aysha
aysha alkaff. july fourteenth. nineteen. girl. singapore. email me=)...
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Tuesday, February 27, 2007

im still not okay. i saw the teeny weeny article in the papers today. A level students may collect their results on friday 2.30pm. i was expecting it. i knew it had to come someday.. but im still anxious anyway.

i might have subconsciously imprinted into my brain that my results wouldnt be up to expectations. maybe i did that to keep myself from being too disappointed. in case. or is there no in case?

a huge part of me has been all set to receive below average grades but theres still the other bit of me thats consoling the pessimistic me, "you'd probably get at least one A.." and then theres this nanomicroalmostinvisible part of me thats hoping "hey maybe my name might even get displayed on the board at the concourse!!" ok ya dreammm onn

suddenly every spare moment i have is spent recalling the torture days..

"sha lets go cycling!"
"aww u know i cant.. i need to study.."
"ur sucha nerd sha, all u ever do is study!"

eating waraphorns sweets that stuck onto the box after every sigma notation question, digging and digging with all my might to get the damn sweet out..

the many many times i went straight to parkway alone right after school on thursday to buy $2 McChicken and eat on the way to marine parade library so that i could mug while listening to nsync. and wait for the physics girls to come join me..

thousand millions of coffee packets i used to keep me awake in my room every night..

the crazy headache i had to endure for months, praying it wasnt a brain tumour!

all those breakdowns and tears and nerves and losing hope..

the way abah said no u cannot quit school and get married cause if your husband dies u'd be too stupid to go out and work to support yourself. (ok not in those exact words but still..)

i cant not get good results. i know i could have done muuuuch more. im not being like those dumass smartbrains who complain about 'aiya i sure wont do well one lor' and then get 4As, 2A1s and two S paper distinctions. i honestly know that i didnt put in every effort. but even though its not cause im lazy i just didnt have time (come on back me up girls) if i do badly, i do badly.

wow. i dont know if i could deal with that.

i really need to watch back to back friends again. ta





oh and hanisah, nice going with pe today. monkey forever! haha

-aysha


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